Beautiful

Sometimes I still play dress-up. Not exactly the same way I used to when Mom’s dresses were all too big and I shuffled along the hall in her one inch heels.  Now there is a lot less blush and lipstick and more attention to structured undergarments and eyeliner.

I felt guilty playing dress up though, vain, like I was wasting time.  Mom always took exactly fifteen minutes in the shower, and ten minutes or less to dress and do her hair.  Makeup was not pleasing to God, as “beauty should not come from outward adornment” (Peter 3:3). Sneaking makeup into the house was an interesting risk in middle school.

I may never understand some of the strict stands the church takes against the pursuit of beauty but I think I can recognize a natural desire when I see it.  It took years to acknowledge the desire for beauty in myself and convince myself that it was normal and even good.  Seeing it manifest in Mom though, to my complete surprise, makes it all the more real.  

Thursday night I picked out what I was going to wear to court in the morning.  It took a while to find something appropriate because I’ve been fluctuating weight and didn’t know how my professional clothes would fit anymore. As I went on asking Shannon “how does this look?” Mom began to do the same. She came out, probably ten different times wearing different shirts trying to see what we thought would look best with the new, green, shamrock scarf she had received at daycare. Going into her bedroom later it looked like mine! Clothes hanging in different places, lying across the bed, closet open and ransacked… (Seriously, it looked just like mine but with less shoes tossed around, she hadn’t gotten to that part yet.)

She picked the outfit out herself for Friday, and for Saturday and both days she looked great (albeit, green, very green).  I won’t elaborate on it, but I’m sure my surprise at her success speaks to how she has normally dressed herself.  It’s so refreshing to see, but also jarring.  The woman who taught me that trying to look beautiful was a sin is now wanting her ears pierced and obsessing about what to wear.  She’s not trying to please a man, or anyone really. I doubt she's thought of that. She’s never paid much attention to people’s opinions and still doesn’t. Yet, something compels her to pursue beauty and now whatever it was inside of her is not holding her back.